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Song: Joyce the librarian

April 4, 2013

“Joyce the librarian”

Joyce the librarian – strict vegetarian,

forty and living with Mum.

Wears sandals and glasses – attends evening classes,

and wonders if romance will come.

Though she’d never been kissed, it’s not something she missed

until some weeks before;

when George, a Rotarian – handsom lotharian,

walked through the library door.

George was unmarried – and the torch that Joyce carried,

was burning a hole in her heart.

She wanted to show him – but didn’t yet know him,

she didn’t know where to start.

So with growing abhorrence, she read D.H. Lawrence

to glean a few ideas…

which she turned down flat – she couldn’t do that,

not in a million years!!

Joyce the librarian – strict vegetarian,

was burning with animal lust.

Alarming sensations – strange palpatations,

a mix of delight and disgust.

So she busied herself – rearranging the shelf,

to try to control her dreams.

Joyce the librarian – the disciplinarian,

was falling apart at the seams.

The very next day – she kept out of the way

when George returned his books.

But with growing conviction – she wandered through ‘Fiction’,

and threw him some longing looks.

And when George joined the queue – she knew just what to do,

she smiled and removed her specs.

Then looked in horror – ‘cause he’d come to borrow

“The further joy of sex”.

Perhaps because latterly – she’d read “Lady Chatterly”

something just snapped in her head;

she gave herself gladly – wildly madly,

to George that night in his bed.

But then, just as she’d feared – George disappeared

some other librarian to woo.

Now there’s a sob in her voice – as both book and Joyce,

are a fortnight overdue!

–          Richard Stilgoe & Peter Skellern

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